This is going to be a hard entry to write.
Maureen has died.
We went up to Shirwell last week, and she was taken ill almost as soon as we got there. We rang the doctor, who called straight for an ambulance and took her in to hospital.
She did have moments- all far too brief- where we could talk. I found it hard; I think I knew what was coming, but I just could not pull myself to say goodbye. She was less worried about it, having known that this could have happened all her life. She held my hand, smiled, and told me she loved me. She thanked me for loving her back, and then she said sorry, but she thought her heart was running out of beats. I told her not to be silly, but she said it was important I understood it was not her choosing to go, but it was just her heart was tired.
Alma and I sat with her all weekend, and she did her best, bless her, but she passed away on Sunday evening. The doctor said they did all they could (which was obvious- they were all running around and trying everything), but in the end, her heart just stopped beating.
This week has been a bit of a blur really, with things to arrange and people to see. It was hard, but I spoke to the vicar, and have had to cancel our wedding, and instead, book her funeral. It is booked for next Friday at the creme. She always said she did not want to be buried, and that we could spread her ashes somewhere outside where she could fly around in the wind, and be free.
So it is back to me and Kathy. Alma has been a star; she has looked after me every second of every day (and in fact I have been looking after her as well). Patrick has been up and helped; as have Ralph and Ang, and Dai and Valentine. I am so lucky to have such great friends.
Although I love Maureen more than I loved Winnie (if it is possible to love more or less), it feels easier this time. Loosing Winnie was hard, but I learnt ways to deal with it. It seems those ways have not left me (although they can seem short in supply in bed at night).
So now we wait for next Friday, to say goodbye. We may not have made it to the altar, but in my heart, she will always be Mrs Williams to me.
Yours sincerely
Raymond Williams
Raymond Williams's Diary 