Maureen got home early afternoon yesterday from Shirwell. I held her for a bit,and Kathy licked her face, and then she went off to bed, totally exhausted. I wanted to stay with her, to protect her, but it was 2 o’clock in the afternoon, and felt wrong, so I came out of the room when I knew she had gone to sleep.
She slept all the way through to 3 o’clock this morning, when she got up. I followed her out of the bedroom, and we sat and had a cup of tea. This time of night in Barnstaple always seems so much quieter- like quiet itself is being quiet. I did not mind getting up this time, and I used to get up early when I was a postman; today felt extra heavy though.
Maureen talked. And talked and talked. It was lovely. She told me all about her life with her bigger sister. How they grew up together, and how they went to school together. She mentioned their boyfriends, and how they would sometimes fight over the same man. She told me about how Queenie looked after her in the run up to her marriage to Reg, how she held on her hand the way to the church to stop her shaking. She cried as she told me about how Queenie was there when her and Reg had a still born baby.
She talked and talked until the sun had come up, and the world had started to turn again. I did little more than listen and smile; I tried hard not to fix it like I always want to. I remember when Mum went; everything was black. I just wanted someone to listen to me, but no one was there; I think that is why I was so ill for so long afterwards.
I hope that I have done enough today, and that I will do enough in the days ahead, to reassure she is not alone, and it is all OK.
She is sleeping again now, and tomorrow really starts the dealings with the funeral directors and the like. She knows what she is doing as she had to do it all when she lost Reg; this time though, there will be 2 of us.
Yours sincerely
Raymond Williams
Raymond Williams's Diary 