I just wanted you to know that I am still here, and am around.

After the last post, I was taken poorly; I actually had a couple serious heart attacks. As a consequence, I have had a prolonged stay in hospital, culminating in a triple by-pass at The Royal Brompton, in London.

I am coming back to full fitness, but am now just building up my exercise day by day; as a consequence, I have nothing really to report!

Just wanted to say hello, tell you I am still here, and let you know that I hope that I will soon be back again with my online diary.

Yours sincerely

Raymond Williams

We have stayed up all night, just talking. I needed to make sense of it all; I can not understand why they never said, never told me about their history- I would not have minded. It would a made no difference to me at all.

Instead, I feel that my friends, and my partner, have hidden something from me- behind my back. I honestly do not believe that there was any overlap with Ralph and me; and I do not think that it lasted long between them, as Ralph would have said something at the time.

No, it is just the behind my back part- makes me feel both untrusted, and them to be untrustworthy.

Maureen is an excellent listener- Reg was very lucky. She says that I should do what I feel is right, but also, I should not loose a friend and a partner over this. I agree, it’s just  hill I need to get over- once I can understand it.

I am going to go home now. Maureen had to go out, so I am using her computer; I will let myself out after this.

I so need to sleep! It always seems so romantic- staying up all night, taking; truth is, it hurts the next day!

I know that Winnie- if she is still home- will want to talk. I just need to sleep; I have not had a shave for 2 days, and I look as rough as I feel.

I really need some guidance on this, as I do not know where to go with it all.

Yours sincerely

Raymond Williams

When we got there, Ralph was dressed in a long red gown, which apparently is a traditional Thailand way to dress. It looked nice, and was very ornate. It draped down over Ralph’s wheelchair, and kept catching in his wheels, which did make him a bit tense.

Nana seems lovely. She is quite short, I would say mid twenties from looking at her (though Ralph says she is older than that), and is very grateful. Everything I said to her, she said ‘Yes, thank Mr Raymond’. It did make me smile.

Ralph seems very well, and is obviously well rested after the holiday. I suppose that he was not up all night talking to Nana on the Internet; he can talk to her face to face now. He is however very tactile with her- he is always holding her hand, stroking her hair, kissing her. She just smiles at him.

Dinner was nice. Ralph cooked us casserole; he wanted to show Nana what English food was like. She said she liked it, but did not eat much.

After dinner, Ralph showed us the photo’s from the holiday. They were mostly of Nana and her family; it does seem like a big family, which apparently has 14 children in it. 14!

Nana said she likes England so far, though the weather is cold. I guess it would be after Thailand. 

Conversation then turned to Belle, and I was saying how good she had been. As we were talking, Nana said said that of course Belle would be used to Winnie, she has known her for a while now. I said that it was only a couple of months; I could see Nana look at Ralph, and was confused by this, so I asked what the matter was. She said that Ralph had told her that Winnie and Ralph had known each other for some time, and they they used to be partners.

I looked at Ralph and Winnie- neither could make eye contact with me. I asked if it was true, and they both just nodded. Winnie said that they were going to say, but there was never a good time; before they knew it, it was too late.

All of a suddenly, what I thought I knew, was not true. That explained so much! Why Belle was always relaxed with Winnie, how Ralph and Winnie got on so quickly. It all made sense! But why had they not told me? Here I was, with my best mate, and the love of my life- and they had a history I knew nothing about. They must have been laughing at me! I felt so stupid, and I got up, and came away.

Winnie tried to come after me, but I walked faster than her, and soon had left her behind. I needed ‘processing’ time, to get it all straight. Oh, how foolish I had been!

My first thought was to go home, but that did not make sense, either; all Winnie’s stuff would be there, and I could not face that.

So I am writing this from Maureen’s house. She said that I can stay the night on her sofa, and has cooked me tea. She is in the bath, and I am writing this, in a sense of getting some order to it all.

I know I need time, and some distance. I will be OK then.

Yours sincerely

Raymond Williams

Obviously, he is keen for Belle to go back home, so we have agreed for Winnie, Belle and myself to walk up tomorrow. Ralph promised to cook us dinner, so we can all met, and Belle can be home again. I think that it is too late for me to walk Belle up tonight.

I will not lie, I will miss Belle- it has been lovely having her around the home, it really has. I realised how much of my routine was dependent on Kathy when she was alive; I dont think that a routine is bad thing for a man of my age.

Due to the bad weather, we have just spent today popping out with Belle to let her do her business, and then coming home again- not the day to be out and about.

I am looking forwards to meeting Nana tomorrow.

Yours sincerely

Raymond Williams

The weather has not been too special- tomorrow is supposed to be worse- so this afternoon we have spent, again, snuggled up in front of the fire, reading and watching television. I popped out with Belle around tea time, for a walk, but even that was too much energy for me!

Never again.

Yours sincerely

Raymond Williams

Winnie got back to the flat for about 11, so I slipped up to town to stock up on some shopping, whilst she looked after Belle. They have given a wet weekend, so I have got lots of food and drink- it does not look like we will be going that far!

Whilst in town, I bumped into Maureen. She was looking lovely! We slipped in for a cup of tea and a catch up- it’s a shame that I could not have stayed longer.

When I got back to the flat, both Winnie and Belle were fast asleep, with the heating on. It was not long before I joined them!

I cooked us all tea tonight- pie and chips- and we have had a few bottles of cider, in front of the television. I do feel quite drunk!

Ralph is home on Sunday, so Belle only has a couple more nights here with me. It is a shame- I can see that she thinks of this as her home now.

Yours sincerely

Raymond Williams

There is so much in the news right now about the financial state of the world. It is a worry; I have some monies across several places- when Mother died, she left my sister and myself some money, so we invested it. I have checked my figures, and confirmed them with Neil at the bank. I will only make a loss if I take the funds out; if I leave them in, I can make a profit. I think.

The wind is still strong outside- Belle and I took a walk along besides the river. We ended up walking around close to Maureens, so we knocked for her, but she was not in. I could tell that Belle was disappointed.

So we came home, had some lunch, and did our washing. Well, truth is, I did the washing- Belle slept in front of the fire.

Ralph rang- another change in his plans- he and Nana are leaving today, and should be home, allowing for stop overs, on Saturday. He is bringing Nana back with him to see where he lives, and he wants her to meet Belle and myself. I think that it will be nice to meet her- he speaks so highly of her.

I finished the ironing just before tea, so we had something to eat, had a stroll around the park, and now we are planning an early night.

Your sincerely

Raymond Williams

Unfortunately, I have strong gusts of wind as well- must be those 2 roasts yesterday. Stayed in bed all day with indigestion; it has only just started clearing in the last hour. Thankfully, Winnie was here to look after me and take Belle for her walks.

That’ll teach me.

Yours sincerely

Raymond Williams

Winnie wanted to pop home – she had not been there for three days- so she went off on an early bus.

Belle and I went for a walk around town, and bumped into Maureen. She was looking well, and we got talking. It turned out that she was walking home, so Belle and I escorted her.

When we got there, she invited us in for lunch; I said yes as it was trying to rain.

Well, she cooked us a big meal- chicken, potato’s, and all the veg along side it. It was lovely!

After we had cleared up, it was 4 o’clock, so I thought that Belle and I had better start to make tracks back to the flat.

However, when we got there, Winnie had got back earlier, and guess what- she had cooked us tea- chicken, potato’s and all the veg! It all looked so nice, I did not want to say that we had already eaten, so we tucked in again.

Needless to say, right now I feel fat! I could not eat another thing, and to be honest, I just want to go to bed and sleep it all off!

If this continues, I will need to go on a diet!

Yours sincerely

Raymond Williams

And it nearly was; but first thing, I had a phone call from Ralph.

He said that he and Nana were really hitting it off- really hitting it off. He said that he can not remember a time when he felt so alive, and so complete.

So he asked if I could look after Belle for another week, as he wanted to stay over.

Truth is, I was glad- Belle has become part of the three amigo’s, a trio which I value- that is, Belle, Winnie and myself. To be able to retain this comfort is something which I am keen to do, so naturally, I said that I would love to.

Ralph seemed so happy. He sounded like the old Ralph, before his accident; the one I used to laugh and joke around with.

So Belle, Winnie and myself walked up to Ralph’s house to check it over for him. We both have keys to each other’s places, just in case, so I let us in.

Something had gone off in the fridge- it must have been the milk, but the whole bungalow stunk. We opened some windows to let the air through for an hour or so.

It must have been strange for Belle- she did look around for Ralph. No  matter how much she likes it with me, she does miss Ralph.

On the way home, I slipped into the new Lidl along Whiddon Valley, and got some more food- some pies, sausages and some more potato’s. I don’t like it in there so much; all the labels are wrote in foreign languages- it’s like shopping abroad. I always try to buy locally as much as I can- that’s why I like shopping at Iceland.

When we got home, we were tired; Belle and I had a snooze, whilst Winnie cooked our tea. The sausages, not matter how foreign, were lovely!

After tea, Patrick rang. He was settled in well, and seemed very happy.

I love the fact that all my friends and family are happy right now. Winnie says that this is the most relaxed that she can remember being for a long time. Even Maureen seemed happy the last time I saw her.

All is well in the Raymond WIlliams household tonight.

Yours sincerely

Raymond Williams